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A Bit Of BI Humor
Posted by Boris Evelson on March 22, 2013
We all work very hard to make our BI initiatives, programs, platforms, applications, and tools very successful. We need a break. And what better way to relax than to joke about what we do? So... as my favorite Monty Python’s Flying Circus bit goes, “And now for something completely different [in BI]”:
- Q: What’s the ROI/cost to achieve a single version of the truth?
- A: 42 (compliments of my other favorite medium, Douglas Adams’ Hitchhiker’s Guide To The Galaxy).
- Q: How many BI pros does it take to screw in a light bulb?
- A: None — it’s an appliance.
- Q: How many BI pros does it take to screw in a light bulb?
- A: It depends. How do you measure/analyze/report on success?
Looking for lots more to brighten up our BI days, so please post away!
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Q & A from vendor trenches
Q: How many thought leaders does it take to gain board approval for a BI investment?
A: # of employees in org + VPs squared ÷ published BI analyst reports on the product.
~~~~~
Q: What comes after real-time? (to CEO)
A: Predictive? (GENIUS BONUS!)
~~~~~
Q: What does it cost to get listed in MQ?
As:
(1) How much ya got?
(2) If you have to ask...
(3) More money than God (Bernanke) has
~~~~~
Q: How many FF tweets does it take to make vendors go blind?
A: Let's survey that!
Round 2 from vendor trenches
Q: How many new hire sales people does it take to lower sales revenue?
A: 3,000
~~~~~
Q: What is the total marketing spend for a pet BI project w/same name as a tropical island location?
A: About the same as the cost of the sister island acquired by competitor of A to above Q.
~~~~~
Q: What happened to all of the innovators in this industry?
A: They were institutionalized and put in straight jackets for beating their heads against thick brick walls.
~~~~~
Ah, that feels better already... thanks Boris!
Cheers, MM :)
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