A Bit Of BI Humor

We all work very hard to make our BI initiatives, programs, platforms, applications, and tools very successful. We need a break. And what better way to relax than to joke about what we do? So... as my favorite Monty Python’s Flying Circus bit goes, “And now for something completely different [in BI]”:

  • Q: What’s the ROI/cost to achieve a single version of the truth?
  • A: 42 (compliments of my other favorite medium, Douglas Adams’ Hitchhiker’s Guide To The Galaxy).


  • Q: How many BI pros does it take to screw in a light bulb?
  • A: None — it’s an appliance.


  • Q: How many BI pros does it take to screw in a light bulb?
  • A: It depends. How do you measure/analyze/report on success?

Looking for lots more to brighten up our BI days, so please post away!


Q & A from vendor trenches

Q: How many thought leaders does it take to gain board approval for a BI investment?

A: # of employees in org + VPs squared รท published BI analyst reports on the product.

Q: What comes after real-time? (to CEO)

A: Predictive? (GENIUS BONUS!)

Q: What does it cost to get listed in MQ?


(1) How much ya got?
(2) If you have to ask...
(3) More money than God (Bernanke) has

Q: How many FF tweets does it take to make vendors go blind?

A: Let's survey that!

Round 2 from vendor trenches

Q: How many new hire sales people does it take to lower sales revenue?

A: 3,000


Q: What is the total marketing spend for a pet BI project w/same name as a tropical island location?

A: About the same as the cost of the sister island acquired by competitor of A to above Q.


Q: What happened to all of the innovators in this industry?

A: They were institutionalized and put in straight jackets for beating their heads against thick brick walls.


Ah, that feels better already... thanks Boris!

Cheers, MM :)